More Reflections on the Power of Pain

This week, I want to share with you my most recent article for Seen & Unseen. Like an essay I published here just a few weeks ago, it revolves around a film that came out exactly twenty years ago, but which I only recently discovered, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. But unlike the substack post from a few weeks back, this essay is a little bit more personal and certainly a lot more vulnerable. In it, I mention that I’ve been trying to overcome postnatal PTSD in the last few months. It is of course my choice to share something that personal on the Internet, and I have to accept that people may choose to be judgemental. Now, I like to think I’ve developed a thick skin over the past year. But while it amused me to no end to see a comment on twitter (X, sorry) about my Critic piece on assisted reproductive technologies which invited me to stop ‘farting on about metaphysics’, I imagine any negativity about this article would hit much closer to home. So, in this particular instance, I ask you to be gentle, dear reader.

I don’t have much more to add - I think the piece speaks for itself - except this: if you’re a new mother, or an experienced mother but with a new baby, or if you have a mother in your life (whatever her relation to you), be gentle with her. You just don’t know what she’s going through. Most of my friends don’t fully know what I’ve been going through (mostly because of my reluctance to speak about it). If you know a mother who is overwhelmed and still struggling with what happened during the birth of her child, don’t tell her to just ‘forget about it’ or ‘stop dwelling on it’. That may be needed at times, of course, but the memory of her pain - possibly even trauma - is important and often all-consuming. Rather, listen to her, and acknowledge her pain. That’s what I needed to do, and I imagine most other mothers are the same.

But of course, the beauty of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is that it made me feel like my pain was visible and important even though it’s a film that has exactly zero percent to do with childbirth. It’s universal even in the specificity and idiosyncrasies of its characters. Once again, here is the article where I expand on my thoughts if you’re interested.

And now, dear reader, I sign off and prepare to go on holiday to the countryside for a few days. The phrase ‘you look like you need a holiday’ is in this instance very apt. I am absolutely burnt out from moving around the world, working, and having two kids back to back in the past two years. I need a few days away, dear reader, and I am so, so grateful and excited for them. I plan to do much reading for pleasure over the next week, and I will report back here on substack about which books I recommend to you soon.

Until next time, enjoy the last week of July, and have a marvelous weekend.